My insomnia is back, I’m Miserable.

I have insomnia. I’ve been diagnosed for many years. I took ambien..I hate ambien…it used to make me forget entire days. I have to call to my therapist and psychiatrist tomorrow. It’s so bad I WANT to be medicated and that’s not like me. Normally I vape an indica take a bath and go back to sleep but lately I can’t. I get up and blog, check my social media insights, interact with my followers, I mean I’m productive with my time but the past few nights I can’t go back to sleep and I have a day job, kids, a relationship. So I mean I don’t require a ton of sleep (it’s suggested that everyone gets 8 hours..but some folks feel fine with less🤷🏾‍♀️) I average 4-5 hours a night and 8-10 on weekends…but this week has been just TRASH! There was an earthquake 👀 and when there’s earthquakes I just stay up…I BE SCARED! The earth SHOOK! It’s hard to sleep after that, then my patient family changed my worked time..I also have ocd and anxiety so I have a get of being late for work so I have 4 alarms and then my mind is like “YOU HAVE TO GET UP EARLY” and then I can’t sleep. It’s a vicious cycle.

I called last week to get a referral for a psychiatrist, I have new insurance..I used to have the v.a but they don’t really follow up with their mental health patients and I need some damn follow up! I’m not afraid to admit that I need mental maintenance! Once you have nervous breakdown you tend stay on top of your mental health needs. Well my new insurance said i they’ll send me a referral..that was a couple weeks ago and I thought I was fine but clearly I’m not so I’ll have to some follow up on that ASAP. I hate when I can’t sleep. The next day I’m alright but I’m just not able to participate and be 100% myself. I’m irritable and when I get home from work..I just want to sleep..but can’t. It’s miserable. Then I can’t turn off my thoughts..I literally have to force myself to sleep just lay there and shut my eyes..sometimes it works but then as soon as in”fall” asleep..”The knight rider” theme goes off and I have to get up…it’s exhausting. I’m going to attempt to sleep my alarm goes off at 0450. Insomnia is just the worst, it scares me because prior to my breakdown I had insomnia, now granted the situation is completely different I’m always a little triggered and uneasy about it. I’m just going to pray, get help and mediate hope maybe I get some rest or answers over the weekend. I don’t want meds at all but I want to sleep. It’s miserable.

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