31 Days of Self Love: Day 23

My support system is amazing! I have my entire family as a support and it’s truly an indescribable feeling. I woke up about a year and a half ago and decided I wanted to live my life online and I didn’t know what that entailed but I never I had to be verbal about it. In being verbal about my dream is when I discovered truly how strong my support system was. I have my kids They are constantly cheering me on and provide countless hours of content both positive and well not so positive lol My oldest daughter Brooklyn has been my support system her whole life.. it makes me a little sad sometimes because kids should be kids not a support system but at one time in my life it was just me and Brooke. I remember vividly crying in bed in our first apartment she was about 2 and I thought she sleeping so I finally cried, just from being a 20 something working mom. I was lonely. I was depressed and I would cry when she slept. That night she dried my tears and said “Don’t cry mama I love you” of course that only made me cry more, but just the compassion she’s always had it’s been more than I deserve. She’s supported me through nursing school, break ups, promotions, new career paths you name me..in the 12 years Brooklyn has been a live she’s been my support system through life.The support my Fiancé gives me is on another level. Not only is he the father of my child and best friend he’s my psychiatrist, brain storming buddy, vision board partner, tv/movie buddy he’s my support through it all. He also supports when I’m having mental health issues..which is often. Mental health is an on going thing battle, some days are normal, other days I need all hands on deck for support and I don’t want to leave the house or I’m crying and don’t understand why. I was blessed with a supportive man that doesn’t run from that. He’s able to say “well maybe it’s time to check in with your therapist?” Or “baby your about to be irrational and flip out over a charger right now? Really look around..relax you don’t want to ruin your day over this” The man is like a human Xanax he’s amazing. I was vilified in past relationships due to my mental illness. It’s felt uncomfortable expressing when I was struggling. I would hold in until eventually I break down. When you have the right support system you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable and say “you know what I’m overwhelmed I could really use a nap..or even a hug.” I can tell Chris that I’m feeling uneasy inside and he stops what he’s doing and he will listen and that makes all the difference in the world.I also have my Nana and the church family. (My Nana in the orange runs from the camera) I never knew just how much support prayer and fellowship really could give until I stared stepping out on faith and being more aware of the fact that prayer and having people pray for you is a huge form of support. These people are holding you up in their thoughts and prayers wishing nothing but good and love on you. It’s truly beautiful. I’ve just recently started to go back to church but the church has always been there for me and my family. I also have countless internet friends that are for me, and when I say there for me, I can call some of my internet besties right now and really get some good emotional support, mental support. Some of my best friends I have yet to meet in person but I’ve developed these bonds, these support groups of women online that have been my family. As far as how can I make my support group stronger well I have to be there for my support group just like they are there for me. I have to be more upfront and not wait until I’m so overwhelmed I’m leaning completely on my support system and not supporting myself. I have to realize they a support not there to just completely hold me up and be my verbal punching bag. It’s give and take and I need to be there for my support systems as well.

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