I wasn’t planning on blogging today but I broke up with Facebook and I need to let people know what happened with my day and if I didn’t take pictures of every detail of my life no one would believe this day so here goes!
I woke up and planned my content:
Outfit of the day inspired by Britney because I’m that sad mom stuck that in 90’s that only listens to boy bands and Britney.. it was a good time but I digress. I had some stuff occur and I ended up having time to go to the school because well I was having anxiety attacks about school starting Monday. I need to buy books I’m on a budget and I know I’m not in good academic standing with the school to get grants.. and I’m have a job so I don’t get money.. so I’m only taking one class. I get my classes for free. I’m honestly only going to school because I have grammar police friends that inbox me and I was like.. I need to go to school if my grammar is this bad. So I made the chocolate to take a critical thinking class so I could write better blogs for my audience. (I have followers in the u.k so I stay up and post at night for them😅 any whoo) I was at the school and I thought I was going the grant I had covered my books. The books were $200
I started to doubt myself and wanted to leave
I went to my car, called my fiancé and told him I was having panic attacks
Told him I was going to walk the campus take pics for the blog to calm down I saw this
I’m just admitted publicly that I’m a blerd drama geek that missed acting etc and bam here’s an audition i instagramed it and I just wept! The universe was telling me I didn’t have to do all of this. I showed the world myself in a blog post and about being a “blerd” “My life as a #blerd” more people read that than my post about Perez Hilton adding ME as a friend on instagram “My life as a brand: Perez Hilton follows ME! And that made me so emotional. It just showed me I didn’t need a big show for attention… I just need to show my true self. That gave me the courage to unplug from Facebook.
It felt like a break up but I needed to end the relationship with Facebook. Yes my family is there and my friends but I was getting job offers from tweets yesterday!
And it showed me I needed just back off of Facebook so I can focus on my studies.
I met with a counselor to ask a question:
“Is it more reasonable to get my RN or something with writing”
I told the counselor about my blog, about Perez I said “Perez” and she took me more seriously and was like “Broadcast journalism and your GPA is trash but we can get it up and get you out of here if you re do the classes” she told me I was like 5 classes from transferring to a big college!
Like it’s that’s real I can make this a living I was about to be an English major but I met an English teach at a party he told me was “miserable” that shook me. I can still be an RN and blog buutttt RN isn’t really for me that is what everyone wanted me to do.. i will always have my day job as a nurse and that’s fine. I just going to take this class and see what happens but it’s totally just good to know it’s possible. Like I’m 5 classes from being able to play Kelly Rowland in Lifetime movies! My life has come full circle. I’m back in school and I’m going to audition for a play. I’m doing life my way. I’m not too old I’m 33. I have time. I was so scared thinking of alllll the years I had left. I don’t need to do THAT! I scared myself about the books cost.. I don’t need to do that either I can find a website to get the book! I know these things now because I spent almost 3 months searching for my niche only discover… I just needed to be me. It was me people were following.. not the vegan food, not the advice, my family, my story. I was so stressed people would be bored I was just going to school.. but I’m going to school to kick ass in Hollywood… behind the scenes… and in front of the camera if I choose. That’s the beauty of all these. I already knew how to do these things I was just too scared to try. We I’m not scared. I’m happy to be living my life on my own terms. I’m me! I’m happy and it feels good to have taking this loooonnggggh walk to myself. I forgave myself for things. I revealed my truth, I talked about my social anxiety disorder, I talked about my DEEP mental health issues, talked about my feeling about colorism and being a big old nerd and everyone accepted me and There’s a lightness I’ve never felt. I don’t have to put on an act. I don’t have to be larger than life.
I have 100 twitter followers.. on 50 when Perez added my instagram with
It’s not the size of your voice it’s how you use it!
I have my content for the summer! I was planning to take photos of myself in knee socks you know for Instagram… but I’m exhausted I’ve worked hard for this and I’m going to say drink and take a nap
Please share this allll over Facebook.. I just don’t have the time to post there but I will miss it. O just wasn’t getting people coming to my blog.. plus I got a job from twitter!! I GOT NOTICED BY PEREZ! That was my goal! I hit 100 twitter followers.. I gained 50 in just a few days from a twitter fight.. I didn’t curse. I was witty and told jokes and people followed me🤷🏾♀️ it’s been a blessing! I am so thankful! This all because of God and good friends. That’s it. With the right people behind you.. you can achieve anything and my story is proof of that. Thank you for following my journey I start school Monday… stay tuned!
I love your life. Why do you sound so much like me except I don’t write well so it’s all stuck in my brain. I’m 33 going back to school after graduating in 03. I finally realized I can do it. General anxiety has been my hardest battle through this journey and I struggle with it daily. Posts like these make me know that I’m not alone and anything is possible. Congratulations to you and doing what you Dream!! Best of luck on your journey im here rooting for you!! I might have to borrow those books from you next semester. Hahahah
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This comment made my whole day and I’m so glad I wrote it! Thank you for taking the time to read it. I’m nervous and excited about going back to school. I want to use it as a way to make friends. I don’t have a lot of like adult friends offline so I’m going to see if school helps lol also maybe you should write.. it’s really helps to get the stuff off your brain. Once I write it out.im relaxed, I feel light, the stress melts and just so beneficial. I started keeping a “gratitude journal” just writing what I’m thankful for (10 bullet points) just what I’m thankful for whenever I get anxious. It helps. Thank you again.