Y’all I had some week! So we were given an essay at the beginning of the semester about speech codes on colleges campuses
Basically should colleges uphold the first amendment and allow all forms of speech on campus or should there be codes or regulations. The essay also included a power point but with a topic:
I got hyped and picked music and form of protest! I got all excited and started typing my paper like 2 weeks ago! I mean I searched my booty off!
I made an outline!I texted the class in the we chat app because I was so hyped to be a head for once!!
We got to class and something in me was like “Shayla re-read the whole paper.. there in not one thing to do with music.. the power point and the essay have nothing to do with each other…” this hit me during a bathroom break at Monday nights class. It hit me that I had spent TWO WEEKS outlining and connecting reading from class. I spent TWO WEEKS.. crafting a bomb thesis! Like had that topic I made up in my head been real.. this would have been the best essay know to man! I started to cry
I planned my time to a T and didn’t have another two weeks to research what I had researched! Like how could I let this happen! How could I be so dumb! I went back to class and I was just beside myself. I started what would be days of panic attacks… and WRITERS BLOCK! I couldn’t blog! I couldn’t create content because I was so pissed that I wasted time researching the wrong topic. I have the STANK of that (B-) in my brain. I know I’m a better writer than that first essay and I wanted to prove that! I also haven’t done a research paper in since like 2003! I haven’t “MLA’d” nothing in a very long time! I got the (B-) because my paper was formatted correctly and my supporting evidence was weak. I wanted to do better so I really poured myself into… THE WRONG DAMN TOPIC. I cried for days and I couldn’t sleep.. I would wake up in the night and just take apart what I had outlined and take apart the essay in general. I woke up with Chanel bags underneath my eyes from stress and crying
I for the life of me could not write a thesis… the days kept ticking by… I read the paper over and over and it was like my mind would just not let go of the time lost researching and mind wouldn’t let go of the topic. I had to seek devine intervention and call my nana crying that spent two weeks studying Bob Dylan 😂 she told me “Relax.. I mean Bob Dylan is awesome if you have to study something at least it was Bob Dillion, you’re a great writer just do something else and the thesis will come” sure enough… I was taking and shower Friday and I figured a way to tie in the research I studied with the first amendment! You see all the musicians speaking out bout the things in real life… there are no speech codes in real life. I’m black.. I don’t have a “safe space” in real life. I see symbols of hate and heard and read hate speech all day. Some days I educate.. depending on the circumstances (As a black women I feel sometimes there’s this unwritten burden to like educate everyone that racist “heyyy black people.. we’re just like you” that’s not my job unless I chose to educate someone) most of the time Ignore it🤷🏾♀️ In my paper I discuss that speech codes create a false sense of security and daycare for adults on the college dime. I finally hit the halfway mark this morning and I was able to BLOG AGAIN and eat😩
I had been so stressed I worried myself sick! I never thought a tofurky sandwich would give me porterhouse vibes but y’all this was the best sandwich I’ve ever had in my life! I got so excited about being half way I decided to reach out to my classmates and see if anyone wanted to meet up and type together at Starbucks and be brooding writers sipping coffee and my Deeva said “YASSS”
(Deeva seriously looks like if Zendaya and Yara Shadiri had genius baby)
I’ll get a pic at Starbucks
Real talk: I’m exited to get out of the house, away from my kids and around people older than 12🤷🏾♀️ so what if there’s a work cited page involved I have a friend!!😂😂😂
Hopefully I kick this papers butt because this has been an emotional week🥂