I woke up this morning as resigned from my job as Editor of “The Fashion Circle” blog. I had to. I thought I could handle the job but I couldn’t do it. The pressure of trying to get enough views for another blog, create content for another blog. Promote the blog, run ads for the blog. It’s a part time job better suited for someone who who isn’t an anxiety riddled perfectionist bent on alll the page views. I found myself waking up in the night check that sites views and vomiting because I was no where near 100k views in one month. I was trying to find bloggers to contribute and that part I was good at. I was good at running ads but just because someone interacts with an ad doesn’t mean they necessarily go view the article. I was having panic attacks every morning over the page views of this part time job. I wanted to be so successful at this job. I wanted to make the 100k views so the point I was obsessed and I wasn’t able to properly perform my own life. I woke up early to check the numbers and run ads, plan my own content, post my own content, keep my own blog numbers up. I triggered my crazy gastric episodes and was vomiting blood🤷🏾♀️ at that point it became clear it wasn’t ok. I wanted the money because well.. who doesn’t. It was an extra stream of income but I guess I was becoming withdrawn and arguing with my fiancé. It was bad. I was snapping at my family. I couldn’t find articles to write for my own blog and I never even posted on the site I was the editor of because I just didn’t have time! For the amount of money I was being paid it wasn’t worth what it was putting me and my family through. Then I got an email on Friday that was like “we got your views it 10k for the last 2wks which is great but we’re used to getting 10k a day. The higher ups are coming down on me and I won’t be back in the office for 10 days” It was at that point I told myself “physically and mentally this is not the job for you” on my own blog it’s taken me 6 months to 20k views😂😂 organically! I’m super proud of that! I became so ill after reading this email. This was an at will job at first I thought I could continue but I looked at the calendar and felt my face get flushed, I started getting dizzy, my heart was racing, I became nauseous and threw up. I called Chris in and said “Baby I can’t do this job.. it’s too much” he said “we’re fine without it! I’d rather see you happy blogging again than sick and anxious everyday.” That was Friday… I still wanted that stupid title of “Editor” I wanted to have a job as a blogger. I tried to lay down to sleep and started having nightmares about page views. I woke and decided I was done. I hadn’t slept, ate, I was triggering my G.I issues and for what? Some extra cash and a title!? We not out here struggling, this job was a blessing that turned into a curse. I did for a solid month and wasn’t able to live up to what the job required. I have a family, a job, a blog that I was neglecting as soon as I decided I was done. I felt free.
I went shopping for content for my blog! I stared to get excited about “Blogtober” I started getting excited about changing the aesthetics of my instagram feed. I feel good again!
I felt my creativity come back! I felt ME comeback. I learned through this experience that more money doesn’t mean more happiness. I’m a path here. I’m taking all this time growing this blog and social media to ultimately work for myself. I like the idea of knowing I’m capable of finding I can make money from remotely but the amount of stress this brought me was not worth the risk. I have to realize. I can’t do it all. I’m one person with a lot on my plate as it is. I worked so hard to get those thousands of views for another site. Honestly that was fine. That’s what I was paid to do. That was my job. In the back of my mind I’m sitting here thinking that could have been my page! I could have been putting that energy and time in my blog! Well hindsight is 20/20. Everything in your life is for a reason or a season. I’m so grateful that I was selected for the job. I’m grateful that I was qualified and I was honored to be the editor for the short time I was. However I have a lot going on. I really missed this. I missed just blogging. I’m gearing up for Blogtober and Blogmas.. Basically you blog about all things Fall and Christmas. I’ve been working on my ideas for this it was like the moment I decided to walk away I felt free to be happy about Blogtober! I felt my love for blogging return! I almost felt guilt for blogging on my own site when I was working the editing job. I felt those could have been views for the other site. I literally could think of nothing else by making those 100k views. I just couldn’t! I was worried about my own blog grown and Instagram growth and honestly that in itself is sooo stressful. I love what I do but when it come to point the seeing the NAME of the company you’re working for makes you anxious and pour sweat and think “oh my god where are my views?” I wanted the opportunity but I know there will be others. Just like I reached and found this I will find another that’s more conducive to me. I just didn’t have the time. I thought “part time” I could still function in my life but nah.. it was definitely a sign I’m not ready to tackle that kind of employment. I style have clients who social media I run as well. I lost one stream of income but I still have my day job, my blog and social media marketing agency. I honestly just had too many irons in the fire and got burned 🤷🏾♀️ I’ve never quit anything in my life so I feel like the biggest loser ever. It’s been beaten into me “I’m not a quitter” but the first time in my life I’ve quit. I know it’s justified but you know how self doubt works.. every decision is then re-examined.. well it’s strange, the money was good but the stress just wasn’t and I’m happy to just be happy again.
I was so burnt out I came home from church and just crashed I slept I took a 2 hour nap, then woke up to sip mimosas and watch the sun go down. I needed a lazy Sunday sooo bad. The chapter of “Editor” has closed. I’m back to just being a regular old blogger… meh that’s life🤷🏾♀️