Thursday I had to do my colonoscopy prep.. Thursday was a horrible day🤣 i was anxious about the procedure. I was nervous over the prep and I had to be on a liquid diet. I swear everyone was cooking the best they could cook on Thursday.. everything smelled delicious and made me angry! I don’t even eat meat.. and meat was smelling good!

I adhered to the clear liquids… it wasn’t so bad I kept a good little variety of things.

I had to start the actual prep drink at 4pm.

I work though so I did it at 0430 it tasted like cold salt water with a hint of like old lime and death. It was very hard to drink. I finished 2/3 of drink by 6pm and then had to take another little pill. By 10pm the toilet and I were one. The prep wasn’t as scary as I thought. I had shared my fear online and one of my online buddies slipped in my DM’s and said “girl you’re gonna pee through your butt and you’ll be fine.. once it’s clear your good” once I had someone vouch for this I was cool.

I had plenty of company while I was in the restroom. Christy kept coming in saying

“Good job mom! You poop! You big girl! Good job”

(Christy is potty training… and we cheer for her when she poops so I guess she was returning the favor 🤷🏾‍♀️ I’ll be honest.. it’s kinda cool having a poop cheerleader!)

My poop cheerleader and I went to bed around midnight. I woke at 0340 to finish the remainder of the prep.

0545 Chris and I arrived at the Loma Linda V.A. Due to my age I had to come early for a pregnancy test and be pre-op’d I was nervous but I was so ready to be done and know what’s going on with my body. I’ve been vomiting blood, pooping blood, I can’t keep weight on. If I get stressed I poop and vomit blood. I can’t stress at all. Im constantly in pain. My stomach just burns and lately all I can eat is mashed potatoes and rice. Some days I can eat more but then I risk pain. That day I made that bomb vegan Mac and cheese…well I was sick after because my body couldn’t process the richness. I just saw the test as the end of the road I finally will have some answers.

By 0730 they had me all ready to go they took me to recover and Chris left.. I was sad I had no one to crack jokes with.. I called Chris my “butt buddy for the day” I was an endless supply of butt jokes. I needed it to cut the tension.

They took me and I don’t remember much from there.. I did fentynl and versed and Benadryl I.V so I was out quick.. but I did wake up during the colonoscopy because I felt pain. They found a couple 3cm polyps and removed them. There was also a lot of redness an bleeding in my pyloric area. So they took a lot of samples and from my colon and from the top I had both an endoscopy and colonoscopy. I got them done at once because I just wanted to be done. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of being in pain. I’m sick of potatoes! I’m sick of cooking these beautiful meals I can’t eat. There’s a lot of sick of.. and now there’s a lot in scared of those polyps were big. People my age aren’t supposed to have polyps in there colon.I committed the ultimate sin and googled my preliminary results I don’t like odd of colon cancer being 50% I do remember the doctors kept saying to me and Chris “you’re lucky you got here in time. You’re lucky you caught this” what the hell is “this” am I reading to far into this? I came here fearing Crohn’s disease being the worst not once thinking of cancer. I don’t have cancer in my family. I don’t have any of what I’m dealing with in my family so it’s weird. I’m scared. I should never have googled my results. I’m a idiot! Nurses make the worst patients!

I slept all day yesterday’s which is why I didn’t post but it’s 0430 in the morning Saturday.. I have a sore throat and sore butt and I’m watching a great documentary on Quincy Jones. I have to go to get my results in 2 weeks and then I have to have another colonoscopy and be polyp free I have to see my primary care in two weeks.

Till then I try no stress and google result and try not to bug my nurse friends with grainy photos of my colon.

Can’t make any promises though…