This week really hasn’t been one of my best weeks emotionally.

I’ve just been discouraged lately.

I think for one I’m writing a chapter in my book about SEO and I just wrote an intense and detailed post about SEO for the blog. (Batsplaining: SEO basics for bloggers )

The post attracted the attention of Miles Beckler himself!

I should have been happy. I was happy!

Until I started scrolling twitter and Instagram. I noticed a lot of the bloggers and influencers I started out with have gained a lot more IG followers than I have.

I know, I know numbers don’t matter.. but that’s not what the experts say!

According to the experts you need hundreds of thousands of followers to be a full time social media influencer

I was listening to an episode of “The influencers podcasts” hosted by Julie Solomon

The guest was Brittany Hennessy author of the book “Influencer: Building your personal brand in the age of social media”

I loved the episode. In fact I enjoyed the guest so much I immediately purchased the book!

I really enjoyed the book!

So much so I mentioned the book in my IG stories.

I recommended the book to my online bestie, makeup artist @amethyst.heart. The book was amazing!

I was still having a rough week though.

I just keep having these deep feeling of inadequacy.

I’m writing this book and I’m just feel like I’m never going to finish.I’ve written 77 pages, over 10k words but I still have so much more to write.

I’m not even a tenth of the way into my outline/manuscript I’ll just call it what it is.. 130 page handwritten thing I wrestle with daily!! It’s craaaazy! Half the time I hate what I wrote and start over.

When you’re writing a book you tap into places you didn’t know you had.

I’m trying to break things down and show the truth about blogging.

My book teaches bloggers about SEO and Domain Authority before they even publish so they aren’t surprised by it 8 months into their blogging journey like I was.

It’s hard writing a book because I’m used to getting pat on the back for writing a blog post immediately.

I LIVE for comments on my blog post! Live for it! Each one makes me dance!

I love being able to explain things and help bloggers.

That’s what’s driving me!

I know people need to know the truth.

Blogging is a wonderful career! Being a full time social media influencer is my dream, but it gets romanticized and people don’t understand this is some of the hardest work I’ve ever done in my entire like. Last year I made $5000 with my blog and social media accounts.

I have never worked so hard or been so proud of earning $5000.

I earned that money with my own creativity, my words and I was hooked on the feeling. I couldn’t sleep last night, my toddler has decided she’s done with sleeping this week.

I just started reading the influencer book and it got to this part:

“Stage 0: zero to 2,499 Followers”

I broke down crying.

STAGE ZERO! I’ve worked my ass off and I’m not even to the cusp of where I should be!

I don’t know if it was the lack of sleep or what but I know the work it takes to growing my instagram account.

I share my instagram growth tips often: Batsplaining Instagram: A quick guide to 1000 Instagram followers

I know the work that goes into growing and maintaining followers.

Just seeing the number 100k and knowing I only have 2,171 followers (at this moment.. you sneeze and you have 20 less🤣) I just felt like I was NEVER going to make it.

I was looking at my friends who already had 5k followers and the friends would have 10k from following MY STEPS. I was happy for them but sad I couldn’t reach their level of success.

I sobbed so hard I woke up my fiancé.

I told him about I felt like I was “never going to finish my book and I’m never going to make it to 10k followers and be able to call myself a REAL INFLUENCER!” I shouted “WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING.” and face planted into the bed.

Chris was calm and said

“you didn’t have any followers or a blog 10 months ago. It takes time! You’re not going to wake up with 10k followers and if you do you know that’s not right! You can’t expect things to happen overnight! You’re doing amazing. Plus you didn’t know this was a job till 10 months ago. You can’t compare yourself to other people. They have time and live in places you don’t.”

Deep down I know every single one of those things but it’s so sad when you see everyone around you doing so much better.

I’m working my butt off to have better content and bring in organic traffic to my blog.

I’m trying to write better post for my audience, google and for myself.

I’m also not paying for Facebook ads or using Pinterest for views.

I’m doing pretty well driving organic traffic. I’ve shoved myself in a hole for months and studied SEO.

I haven’t really been focused on my instagram growth until I started wanting to use my IG as a stream of income.

I started really just feeling down thinking about the numbers. I’m proud of my traffic. I’m proud of my journey I just know I have a long way to go in order before I’m a “real influencer.”

Yes, I’ve landed brand deals, I reach out to brands, but there is a level where you are able to work solely as influencer and I that’s what I want so bad.

It just seemed so hopeless after reading 35% of the book.

I just kept seeing the number 100k on everything. I felt the tears well up in my eyes. I began to check my own Instagram and think about the content I had planned for the day, I felt the tears come.

I thought to myself “it has taken me 10 months to gain all these followers and I’m friends with these people! I know them! 100k is going to take me so long.. can I do this?”

I saw I had message from Julie Solomon but I thought it was a bot👀

I’m SERIOUS! You don’t understand! I listen to Julie Solomon DAILY!

“The influencer podcast” downloads to my phone so often it takes up all my memory on my phone!

Besides I assumed she didn’t answer her DM’s I thought it was a bot but I poured my heart out to the “bot”

I told the “bot” my sob story..the “bot” wrote back!

THE BOT WAS JULIE SOLOMON!

I immediately thanked her for words.

I needed that… I think a lot of us need to need those words.

It’s really easy to get wrapped up in the numbers.

I mean they do mater to a degree, brands look at them.. but the numbers that matter are those that follow you everyday.

I have built a huge tribe of supporters following this journey. Over 2k on IG and over 2k on twitter it’s really easy to feel small when everyone is y’all you that need a bunch of numbers to mean something.

It’s hard because I like numbers. I enjoy seeing progress. I know eventually I’ll get to 10k followers and beyond.

It might be the lack of sleep, or keeping up with my day job, mom life, writing a book and running a blog.. I do a lot. I love it all.

I just felt a bit discouraged and needed Julie Solomon to keep me in the butt!

“Show up as if you have 100k in your audience right now!”

I just needed to see that. I’m blessed to have the audience and the platform that I have. I get impatient because I want things to happen for me NOW! I mean who doesn’t? It seems like all the goals I have take years to accomplish so.. some days are just tough.

In the grand scheme of things I know I’m blessed. I know have worked hard and accomplished a lot in a very short amount of time it’s just the numbers can really do a number on your self worth. I know my work and content are more than numbers.

The comparison can really put you in an ugly place.

I questioned myself so many times of this week.

I question this book. I’ve question this journey. I can’t quit. I’ve worked too hard. I’ve invested too much time away from my family and this is my dream.

I can taste the finish line some days. I can see myself as author, writing and creating from home. I can see my family playing and living as I create happily. I can see it! I can see it because I want that so bad. It’s my dream.

Some days I cry on the drive to work because I feel like I’m a failure in the blogging and influencer community.

I needed those words Julie gave me.

She’s right 2k people is A LOT OF PEOPLE! That’s a lot of love and support.

I have a GREAT tribe I’m building. Great things take time. I love my audience. I love their support. Each comment. Each view, that means something to me.

I work really hard because I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my life. I’m making this happen on my own and I just want to be successful.

I want to be successful in something I want to do with my life for once.

I’m a great nurse because that pays the bills and that makes my family proud.

THIS! Makes me proud. I love writing these post. I love being on social media. I love it.

It’s amazing who the universe sends to respond to you. I’m glad it wasn’t a bot.

I told Julie she now has me a fan and supporter life and I mean it.

I’ve watched and listened and placed Julie on a pedestal because I just admire her. I was taken aback by her taking the time out to hear me and give me encouragement.

I was really going through it. Like ugly crying. I know this is a marathon not a sprint.

I have to listen to Chris and Julie.. nothing good happens overnight and I need to show up everyday like I have 100k followers

My audience deserves that. I need to give them that. I appreciate my audience. I really. They support my dream. Each organic follow and comment means a lot to me. I need to appreciate what I have now and nurture that.

My 10k will come. My blue check will come.. when it’s time. I need to enjoy my journey and remember my “why”

I love being creative, I love sharing my life. I’m a writer. I’m love sharing my point of view with world and I’m going to make a living as a creative. This is the path I’ve chosen and I’ve come to far to compare myself and let self doubt win… not in 2019.

Anyways I just wanted to share in case anyone else was feeling down about their numbers. Screw the numbers focus on your why!

My why is YOU! My why is because I love creating. I love studying new growth techniques. I love writing.

I love taking pictures of EVERYTHING! I love being everyone’s friend online,

I love being a geniuea pig and trying things to tell my audience.

I love the good and the bad.

This journey is a great one.

I’m grateful that Julie Solomon is a real person, she crashed my pity party with a single response and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel again.

Please don’t let the numbers still you joy.