The wedding diaries: Our celibacy challenge

Look, this post is about sex… I hope you’re an adult and you can handle talking about sex because this post is for the grown and sexy.. if that’s not you.. CLICK OUT… (I’m finna get nasty!)

I love sex! Sexy people, sexy talking,

Sexy clothing.. all of the sexy stuff I like it!

This post really isn’t about sex it’s about celibacy and our upcoming marriage and a decision Chris and I have made.

We’ve decided to practice celibacy before our wedding day

I’m a very sexual person so is Chris. I’m a woman of a certain age.. I’m 34.. I’m almost 35. According to most studies and magazines women hit their sexual peak at the age of 35… 

That explains a lot! I’m into sex now more anytime in my life. I have a partner that I’m extremely comfortable with sexually.

I mean we really mesh well in that department. I have absolutely no complaints when it comes to sex. which  is why our vow of celibacy probably seems a little far fetched but there’s a method to my madness.

Honestly I want Chris and I to explore other forms of intimacy outside of sex.

Not that that we don’t already have a deep intimate connection but I just want us to really focus on bonding outside of the traditional sense leading up to the wedding.

Why we’re choosing celibacy before our wedding day?

I’ve been in relationships… in a “marriage” where I felt like I was nothing more than a warm hole, with a great set of tits and good banter.

I once had a man tell me he was with me because

“I can’t fuck my iPad”

Shortly after that statement was made that relationship died.

Needless to say that left with me with a need to know I am wanted beyond sex.

This relationship was the first time I felt completely sexually bonded to my partner. I’m talking mentally, physically, emotionally.

I’m a woman.. I’ve experienced sexual abuse, many of us have sadly and I think those experiences shape my thoughts about beliefs about sex.

I used sex as a coping mechanism a lot of my life.. I became hyper sexual because that’s “what guys wanted” I figured it would somehow equate to love.

I read this article about Ciara and Russell Wilson she said “you shouldn’t feel like you have to give your body away in Ofer for someone to love you”

I’d felt that way in many relationships but not this one.

I had a strange relationship with sex. I’m able to detach if I don’t like something but I also learned over the years.. I really like sex. I had experiences to show me sex wasn’t a taboo, dirty thing sex didn’t need to be traded for acceptance or love.

I learned a lot about the sensuality and intimacy of sex as I’ve grown in this relationship because I’ve felt safe in the relations and able to explore that without feeling like sex was something I had do.

I’ve learned there has to be more than good sex in relationship. Good sex and the right set of promises with have you dickmatized!

I’ve been dickmatized… I’m not now and I know I’m loved for more than my body.

I just want to take sex out of the equation for both of us. 

We both enjoy sex but I want us to enjoy other things about each other for the time being.

I’ve given him my body, I’ve given him a child now I’m giving myself 27 days to mentally engage this man and just learn more. I want to take time to focus on the friendship and communication aspect of our relationship.

Friendship is very important part of a relationship and marriage. I mean we’re always going to need to keep

our friendship strong and I think many times sex can be a mask for bonding.

If it’s sex isn’t present you’re left with just pure alone time. 

I love that alone time with Chris and I. I’ve always liked the ease of car ride conversations, they’ve never forced always easy and I learn so much about Chris when I listen to him talk or he plays his favorite songs.

I love the intimacy of simple times alone.

I’m looking forward to spending that time. It’s almost a newness to dating this way to be honest.

We’ve been discussing it for a few months and as it gets closer I’m excited about it!

Chris and I have been magnets stuck at the hips since we met so this is going to be a true challenge.

We really don’t go without sex for that long on purpose, this is going to be great experience I’m looking forward to this. 

Why only 27 days of Celibacy before the wedding?

I had planned for at least a month but Chris’s birthday is September 16… the man is amazing to me and treats me like a Goddess.. all he wants for his birthday is a little booty and some anime.. so it’s not a full month. I’m keeping it real to 27 days and that’s pretty close to month.. I mean it’s the intention behind all of this that really matters! 

We just want this next phase of our life to be really beautiful experience.

Sex is a place we have no issue so abstaining from sex really isn’t that big of a deal there are plenty of things we plan to do to keep that spark and spark new forms of intimacy.

Other ways we plan to connect outside of sex

Creative Date Nights:

Chris and I have date nights frequently! Chris’s love language is spending time together so while we’re celibate we’re going to be exploring each other’s love languages more in depth. We enjoy getting to know each other alone, outside of the house and outside of just being “mom and dad” we plan to increase our date nights and do more creative things to get intimate without the “ol’ in out-in out” We’ve done  a random car picnic but I’m thinking we have time to squeeze in one more creative date just to chill alone before the big day.. and NIGHT.

Writing letters

Yes, writing letters like the 1800’s.. I write letters, my love language is words of affirmation and so from time time Chris slips me a letter or I slip him one. We plan to really keep that up! We plan to keep thoughts in journals as we get closer to the big day. I think keeping track of these thoughts will be cool to see in the future when we’re pissed at each other we can see.. at one time we loved each other lol also it will be cool to show our children before they get married. Writing your feelings on paper really pulls something out of you emotionally. Knowing they will hold those words forever and know exactly how your feel is very powerful. It’s why I love letter writing and we’re exploring that.

Praying together (being spiritual together)

Chris and I pray together everyday and we’ve actually increased that as we’ve gotten closer to the wedding because we want to bring that same kind of energy into marriage. We’ve been meditating together as well… we’ve been doing it all. I think just spiritually taking sex off the table for even a little while shows we can just abstain and focus our energy on coming together physically when it’s time as husband and wife.

Premarital counseling

We went to premarital counseling and at first I wanted to hate it but I really didn’t it. It forced us to talk about issues we don’t talk about often and it got us to verbalize and see we are on the same page for our future on so many levels it made the counseling easy and fun. We if you don’t have communication problems it’s good to have someone there to hear both sides and make sure both sides are heard. Premarital counseling doesn’t mean there’s an issue at all it’s just another form of communication. 

Working out together 

You only get one body and I want us to stick around with each other as long as we can. Working out together builds a trust and for me it’s sexy that we’re working out with each other and force other. I want to look good for him and myself of course but I want him to see how hot I am at home! Working out together is very intimate and personal. You’re sweating together, your close and releasing endorphins promoting happiness with one another it’s a win-win all around.

Cooking together

To me there’s nothing more intimate and close than making a meal together. You’re preparing food together. You have to communicate and come together to nourish each other. It’s pretty passionate, talking flirting. Cooking together is fun. Chris was a chef in the navy and I’m a vegan home chef cooking is something we’re both very passionate about and that’s the fun part of all of this is finding things we both enjoy outside of each other’s naughty bits.

Look I feel like if we’re able to put each other’s genitals in one another’s mouths we be able to talk about anything and experience anything together.

This moment of celibacy is just a few short days in our relationship but I think it’s really going to be a beautiful time in our relationship and I’m excited to experience this new time.

32 days left till the THE BIG DAY!

2 comments

  1. ‪This is beautiful! I’m so excited for you guys and this journey of marriage that y’all are about to embark on. I think taking this time to be celibate really puts your relationship into perspective and can only strengthen what God has brought together. I love y’all so much and wish you nothing but the best for you both 💜‬

    Liked by 1 person

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