I think I got dumped by my therapist….
Ive been really open about my mental health since starting this blog. I was going to therapy every month and that changed to every 6 weeks.
I’ve been in treatment for generalized anxiety disorder which had triggered debilitating panic attacks.
I hadn’t had a panic attack in 60 day but I felt I needed I needed to check in and let him know that I was still having the same issue.
I went to therapy on Friday. It was a good session I explained my issue. I was still having working related panic attack and that I saw how the panic attacks were affecting my body internally.
One panic attack was so bad my blood pressure spiked to 164/106!
This blood pressure readings was all due to my Supervisior coming for a visit.
This happens every 60 days for the past 6 years.
I’ve never had an issue but anxiety creates an issue.
I have this fear I’m going to make a mistake at work get fires and I can’t support my family.
That fear paralyzes me at work whenever I try to do paperwork or my supervisor comes.
I’ve been talking about the issue with my therapist for the last 7 sessions… my panic attacks went from 5-10 a day to 1 or 2 every 60 days.
I was given coping exercises and taught to open up to my support system when I am having a panic attack so I’m not suffering in silence.
I was also taught to dive deeper into yoga, mediation and journaling to clear my mind.
He then broke the news
“You have to try to cope with these stressors without me. You have all the tools, you have an excellent support system and your currently managing your anxiety. Therapy like medication isn’t meant to be forever. You have to learn to cope with these stressors on your own. Work tends to enforce bad behaviors for people with anxiety and ocd it’s almost like they’re rewarded for the symptoms, being a perfectionist isn’t healthy and often times it leads to more mistakes”
He went on to tell me no person will ever be stress free or anxiety free.
He showed me a chart that discussed work performance, boredom, anxiety and high peak stress.
I’ve been operating at complete meltdown levels for the last 15 years of my life.
I’ve always lived with this weird fear of not being about to provide… I think that’s due to being a single mom for such a long time.
My therapist told me I need to focus on being in the middle.
Some anxiety is normal.
The butterflies I get when I’m excited about a new blog post or uploading a new YouTube video. That’s good anxiety.
Constantly worrying about things that are unlikely to happen.. that’s bad stress.
My therapist said “Imagine yourself as a car.. the overwhelm and stress is like revving your engine for years. You want to drive your car smoothly not be revving your engine all over town.”
That made sense.
He said we meet again in two months after the wedding to see if any new situations have arrived for me to cope with and the we will discuss leaving the nest.
I was happy that he thinks I can just navigate life.. but I’m not going to lie and say I’m not a little nervous….
I’ve been under the care of a therapist, psychiatrist or psychologist since I was 19 years old.
I mean granted at the time they were all giving meds and this is first time I’ve declined traditional psyche medication for therapy and natural medication.
I asked him “are you dumping me!”
He said “No, when you have an issue to workout you call but it’s not meant to be a forever thing you have to use what I’ve taught you and live in the middle. Stop revving your engine”
I don’t think I really know how to relax.. I’ve been revving my engine my whole life.. I’m optimistic about it though.
It not like the past. I not feel like a 3 headed monster due to my diagnosis. I have a great support system and several outlets for my stress (heyyy blog!! Yasss bloggg🙌🏾)
I mean I’ll see how it goes.
I have to get this stress under control.
My therapist is right I have the keys.. I just have to take responsible control of the wheel and drive.
Has anyone else been kicked out of the therapy nest? Did you fly? Did you go back in 6 months?!?! Let’s chat in the comments 👀
Also.. if you’re a veteran please take advantage of the mental health resources that V.A provides. I get therapy for FREE through the V.A and it’s been such a blessing to me and my family. If you need help and you’re a veteran don’t hesitate to call 1-800-273-8255