Go watch “Modern Love” RIGHT NOW!

Over the weekend I was scrolling twitter and I saw “Modern Love” was trending.

I’m super nosey so I had to investigate.

I checked out the hashtag and discovered that “Modern Love” was an Amazon series starring Anne Hathaway, Tina Fey and host of other Hollywood elites.

The series is based the weekly column of the same name published in the New York Times. Each episode follows a different story.

Each story showcases a different form of love.

(Heads up.. There’s spoilers about episode 3 in this post... still watch the episode the acting is brilliant)

I was immediately hooked after the first episode.

I assumed every story would be that stereotypical boy meets girl and get married with Ed Sheeran in the background.. but I was pleasantly surprised.

The writing was deep and intentional, the story was touching.

The actors made me feel for the characters. The characters were so well rounded and everything just tied up so neatly at the end.

“Modern Love” pricked my heartstrings with the first episode.. I couldn’t help myself I had to binge further!

It was perfect little bites of love, happiness and whimsical cinematography.

I loved every single episode but the episode that really stuck out to me and made me openly sob was episode 3 of “Modern Love” titled “Take me as I am, whoever I am” in this episode you’re introduced to the character Lexi played by Anne Hathaway.

The episode opens and Lexi is typing a bio for a dating website.

She’s bubbly, charismatic, cool, calm, collected elegantly coiffed with a black turtleneck, she’s perfect.

I mean it’s Anne Hathaway.. she’s perfect.. right?

As the episode progresses you learn Lexi is bipolar.

The show depicts her cycling pretty rapidly between manic and depressive states while trying to appear “normal”

During the day she’s well put together.

Lexi is very high functioning. Looks like Rita Hayworth in the flesh,dripping in sequins and charm Lexi manages to get a date with Jeff,a handsome man at the grocery store.

They talk and Jeff becomes enamored with the “Lexi show”

Lexi goes to work and everyone loves her there.

They love the way she looks, the way she talks.

They love LEXI!

When Lexi comes home that’s when reality sets in. She’s alone, she draws the curtains.

Puts on sweats and tucks herself in bed.

The scene quickly feels dark, lonely and soulless.

The vibrant colors, high energy mood are sucked from the scene and your left you with a grey toned room and a pale Lexi, peaking out at the camera with such heaviness in her eyes you can almost hear her soul pleading for peace through her eyes.

Lexi reveals she is bipolar to the camera and the depressive states can last weeks.

She talks about how she’s hidden her diagnosis. Lost jobs, friends, relationships.

Lexi was so ashamed of her diagnosis that it has virtually made her a prisoner in her apartment and in her life.

Lexi can’t keep plans or make plans because when the depression hits she’s paralyzed. Captive in bed.

Lexi was in bed for days and nearly missed the date with Jeff.

Jeff was expecting Rita Hayworth.. Jeff got Lexi battling tooth and nail to appear normal after a depressive rough patch.

There was a fleeting moment where Lexi uttered “I’m sick” and I cried!!

She tried to let him know but she didn’t know how.

Lexi craved intimacy and love because that’s part of the diagnosis but there’s so much shame with the diagnosis Lexi couldn’t reveal it.

Lexi and Jeff made a promise to meet again when Lexi felt better.

I sobbed because I related to Lexi.

I was diagnosed with a mental illness when I was 19 years old.

I hid it from everyone, because I was embarrassed. I felt like a monster with 6 heads and I just wanted so badly to be “normal”

I hid my diagnosis when especially when dating.

I didn’t want a man to think I was “crazy”

I’d hide to take pills or not take them all together so I wouldn’t have to answer questions.

I was Lexi in my 20’s.

Lexi felt better a called Jeff and made a date. When Lexi is good.. it’s good! She’s Rita Hayworth ready.

As Lexi is about to apply mascara she looks in the mirror and she starts to feel herself slipping into a depressive state.

She pleads “No, no please, just one day” and the crumbles onto the floor into tears just as the doorbell rings.

She sobs on the floor and Jeff leaves… never knowing what really happened.

Lexi dives deeper into depression and misses so much work she’s fired!

She had become close friends with her boss who says “I had no choice but to let you go, your attendance was so poor”

Lexi reveals she’s bipolar for the very first time to her boss.

Her boss clears her calendar, comforts her and gives her the love of a friend.

I pretty much wailed uncontrollably at that point!

I lost countless friendships, relationships you name it because I was so ashamed of my diagnosis.

I had a mental breakdown that forced me to come clean and state that I suffered from mental illness. I had just married my now ex husband. I had a full on mental breakdown. My ex “husband”51/50’d me.. I was released after 12 hours of a 72 hour hold.. honestly it was lack of sleep, amphetamine diet pills and several panic attacks that triggered my psychological breakdown but at any rate I was dumped.

He tried but he ultimately said he didn’t sign up to be with someone with mental issues.

He was right. I didn’t tell him I had mental illness.. I was afraid to be judged and abandoned and well he judged and abandoned me.

It took a lot to heal from that.

From that experience I learned to be open and see how people react.

As soon as I started dating my NEW husband and I told him right away what my diagnosis was and my entire psychiatric history because I didn’t want to mislead anyone and I didn’t want to experience having someone walk out on me again because of my mind.

Chris comforted me. Went to counseling with me and learned about my diagnosis and what it meant to date someone with that diagnosis.

Chris loved me. That’s all I needed.

My past experience with hiding my mental Illness was a hard thing to heal from.

When I told my therapist he said “That’s like someone dumping someone for revealing they have diabetes and need treatment. You don’t abandon someone because they’re unwell”

That made me think.. people talk about all forms of sickness but mental illness is so stigmatized.

You can reveal anal cancer, breast cancer, prostate cancer.. but we can’t talk about aliments of the mind without labeling a person “crazy”

Lexi just wanted to be normal.

Fall in love, date and have friends without them hearing she was “Bipolar” and labeling her “crazy” and incapable of love.

Bipolar disorder robbed her of so much of her life because she ashamed.

Lexi didn’t give people the opportunity to decide for themselves if they wanted to be apart of her world, she immediately shut them out due to fear.

I’ve done that.. I still do that and seeing how that looks on screen was hard and haunting.

That episode was so well written and so well acted

Anne Hathaway’s portrayal was so visceral and real.

I wanted to console her through the screen. The quickly show became my favorite. I wanted to see the various forms of love and I had to know each story.

The depth and gravity of each episode is just astonishing.

I had to stop watching for a couple days after episode 3 because it was so real to me.

I felt every moment of that scene and I loved that “Modern Love” is tackling this subject.

It’s very difficult to reveal you have a mental illness.

You have this fear and automatic shame tied to to you. The way Episode 3 ends Lexi has hope, love and support and that’s what all humans need.

I couldn’t stop talking about the show on every platform after Episode 3.

Amazon really stepped it up with this show.

If you have amazon Prime be sure to check out “Modern Love”

If you’ve seen “Modern Love” what did you think? Which episode was your favorite?

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