The past few weeks have been some of the most amazing weeks of my life.
Chris and I have been married for a whole Month!
It still feels like a fairytale 😍 we’ve pretty much been on cloud 9 since our wedding day.
Things have been awesome. When I say pure joy, I mean we are in a state of bliss!
We’ve been really busy since the wedding though.
Nonstop content creation.
Chris got hired on at Tokewell Magazine and works as a writer along side me.
Chris takes every single photo of me for my blog and Instagram.
He’s an amazing photographer. He’s an amazing husband. He cooks, he cleans, he gives me a chilled glass of champagne and loads my favorite pipe every day when I get home from work.. the man is a unicorn and I love him dearly. I’m truly blessed to have him.
The problem isn’t Chris.. it’s me.
I’m a bit of a control freak. I’m a perfectionist. I can be really mean and lash out if things aren’t done “my way”
That’s not ok.. especially since we’re married.
I had to apologize to my husband.
Even if we weren’t married… it’s not ok to lash out at people because you can’t communicate like an adult.
Chris is honestly the most caring, patient, supportive, understanding man on the planet.
And I yelled at him because of not getting a shot right. I’m so used to doing my own photos and just doing it myself I just yelled at him.
I honestly felt like crap.
In the 4 years we have been together I’ve never yelled at him.. Not like that. I get snappy.. I’m human.
He talked to me immediately and told me:
“You know that really hurts my feeling. I’m doing this for you. This is something that makes you happy and I like doing it because it makes you happy. I’m learning. If you show me what to do and just tell me.. I’ll do it. When I have I ever not done something for you. We have time.. we have all day to get the shot the way you want it. I love photography and I love going on these adventures with you but if you yell at me I’m not going to enjoy it”
The look on his face crushed me.
He was right and I apologized immediately.
In our home and relationship it’s not “Happy Wife, happy life” it’s “Happy Spouse, Happy House”
His happy happiness matters in this relationship just as much as mine.
He was doing so much for my happiness. I truly owed my husband a sincere apology.
After sitting with his words and thinking about all the pictures and the fact this man will lay on the ground to get a good picture of me for my stupid Instagram..
(Not stupid but you know what I mean.. in the grand scheme of things.. it’s an app.. and he’s my forever human… he wins.)
I’m honestly blessed to have Chris.
We’re best friends so it really felt like I had a fight with my best friend and to just hear him say “that hurt me”
That hurt me…
I expressed to Chris that I really did feel awful about raising my voice and he’s right.. all I have to do is communicate what I’m looking for.
I have a tendency to plan things out perfectly in my head.. however I don’t alway have the best tact when it comes to verbally expressing what I want.
I get frustrated and immediately go into “I’ll do it myself mode”
I mean.. I just stood in front of God, my family and closest friends and promised not to do “life” by myself ever again..
That’s easier said than done.
Especially for a control freak.. but I’d rather relinquish control of a situation and a photo than hurt my husbands feelings.
After apologizing I promised to relax and communicate better.
We kissed and made up..
It’s honestly only the second time we’ve taken the DSLR out to shoot me and fashion. We’ve been creating on my phone but I’m trying to take things more seriously and advance to next level, so we’re using the canon a lot more.
Chris is taking digital media classes at the local college and I’m trying to level up on Ig 🙌🏾 it’s been a lot of work.
Last weekend Chris took me all over Temecula so I could write a blog post and get over my fear of shooting photos in public👉🏾 Kick it like Stephanie
Chris is truly a gift.
Most men wouldn’t be caught dead snapping their wives Instagram photos but Chris does it with a smile.
When I’m anxious or don’t know where any of this is going he’s right there to calm me down. He’s my biggest cheerleader. He always believes in me.
Chris has no problem being my model, my adventure buddy, my sounding board, my muse.
Knowing all that I have to realize.. he wasn’t placed in my life forever to be my verbal punching bag.
I have no problem admitting when I’m wrong in a situation and honestly I was wrong as two left shoes.. but I’ve made it right and I see that we are one.
We are working toward one goal.
A happy life together.
If this man is willing to do any and everything to make me happy..
I’ve got to relax and communicate better.
Chris has forgiven me… I don’t think I’ve fully forgiven me because I don’t like hurting anyone especially not Chris.
He’s the best human I know.
Saying your sorry isn’t easy.. but it’s necessary.
I do it often. When I’m wrong, I apologize and I fix my wrongdoing.
It’s necessary to stop the hurt and move toward healing.
It’s not just saying the words “you’re sorry” but actually stopping the action.
It’s having a solution for the problem you’re sorry about.
My solution in our situation is to clearly verbally communicate what I’m looking for and to show Chris examples of what I want prior to our shoot.
We just need to talk it out. Chris is really easy to talk to and super understanding.
I really got lucky in the husband department.
Forever is a longtime but I know if we’re willing to communicate, make changes and forgive one another.. we’ll be just fine.
Be blessed.. be kind to one another and know when to apologize.
It’s ok to be wrong.. it’s wrong if you don’t fix it.