I’ve been pretty much sick to my stomach and just upset at the way people are treating Summer Walker.
Summer Walker is a singer who recently quit her tour due to social anxiety disorder.
The internet has been tearing this young woman apart and frankly it’s disgusting.
I’ve even come to her defense online and I’m not even a fan!
Let me start off by explaining why I’m so mad..
The black community stigmatizes mental illness already.
It’s not common to speak up about any diagnosis and it’s evident by the commentary online that there are a lot of people who don’t understand what anxiety looks like.
You can be wearing a bikini and have a panic attack.
You can twerk and have a panic attack.
I have panic attacks everyday.
It doesn’t matter what I wear. I can wear scrubs, a 3 piece suit, a bikini and pasties.. I have panic attack everyday.
It doesn’t matter who I’m with. It doesn’t matter if I’m driving or in the shower. It doesn’t matter if I’m on a date with my husband or teaching my daughter to read.
Anxiety doesn’t care if you’re a super star singer with a world tour.
Your mind just decides to make an irrational thought “reality”and your body turns on its fight or flight responses and you can’t cope.
You feel like you’re about to die or pop or both.. and everyone hates you.. oh yeah.. and there watching too!
That’s what it’s like ALL THE TIME.
I’ve just been so angry at the ignorance online.
Anxiety has nothing to do with the amount of clothing you have on it has nothing to do with the amount of tattoos on your body.
Anxiety is literally your brain plotting against itself telling you your deepest fears over and over… and you start to believe it.
I was struggling so badly with my anxiety in September and October I was having 6-10 panic attacks a day and I would cry sometimes just wishing I could be “normal” and not feel that intense anxiety.
I remember calling Chris a week before the wedding and saying “I know why people kill themselves when they have anxiety.. my body is tired. I’m sore my clenching my jaw. I’ve been just shaking and scared inside all day and I can’t tell no one I just have to ride it out. It sucks.. I hate that I’m like this. I worry about everything all the time and I can’t just relax. I was never like this before and I can’t remember how I got this way and I hate it!”
My heart races, my palms sweat to the point I have to wipe them on my clothes. I start shaking. I’ve learned to clench my jaws to stop it. I tend to look people straight in the eye so they don’t notice I’m shaking like a leaf. My stomach cramps, more often than not I have to find a bathroom to relieve myself.. this happens for about 20-30 minutes and can happen 5 times a day.. when it’s a bad week. On a good week I have maybe 2 panic attacks a day and in a really really good week.. I don’t have any.
I’ve had this and suffered in silence for so many years because I didn’t want to be labeled “crazy” I didn’t understand what I was feeling.
I thought everyone hated me and everything bad was going to happen ALL THE TIME.
I really thought we were getting to a point where black women and men could talk about our mental health openly.
I see other communities accept singers, actors, you name the talent they are praised for their mental health issues and for speaking up for them.
They are practically catered to!
Why are we not like that when it comes to our artist?
We tear them down? We don’t protect them. We don’t learn how to care for them so they can perform. We meme them.
We make fun of them online.
I wish we could be treated with such care when our minds are too heavy.
Black women don’t have that luxury and I see that with the treatment of Summer Walker.
Do you know how hard it is come forward and admit that you have a mental illness?
There’s stigma.. and then there’s stigma within the black community with feels a thousand times worse.
The constant memes, the allegations of faking an illness because this young woman was a stripper in the past.
It’s all so sad and toxic.
Black women need to know we can be open, we can heal and it’s not a joke.
I feel like my community doesn’t think anxiety is real.
Social and general anxiety are very real.
I honestly applaud Summer for knowing that her tour and the meet and greet aspects of her tour were too much for her to taken on mentally.
Anxiety is so draining.
I know after I have panic attacks my body feels like I’ve run a mile.
When I’m having a panic attack I hold my body very still to control the shaking and to appear “normal” I clench my jaws. I hold my shoulders so tightly to my body it’s unreal.
I know that I will never be anxiety free. No human is.
I have a great therapist and my family is amazing when it comes to support.
I’ve learned to cope, I have a team and I don’t really care what anyone thinks of me or my diagnosis’s (I have several🧐)
I get so mad because if we’re treating Summer Walker this way and she’s a celebrity imagine a young girl that’s afraid to speak up and she has the same symptoms.
Maybe she has the same aspirations as Summer, she know she has social anxiety disorder but she sees the way society tears down those with mental illnesses.
Just because someone is portraying themselves one way online doesn’t mean that person isn’t going through something completely different on the inside.
That’s why it’s so important to reach out to people.
A lot of people have no idea just how much I suffer when it’s bad. I don’t like to complain.
I’ve thought about quitting nursing and living at home just because I can’t deal sometimes. I’ve wrestled with this idea more than once but my family needs the money so I work.
When it’s bad, I wake up and just brace for the day.
I know the attacks are coming and I don’t know what’s going to trigger it.. will it be an article I read online that makes me fear for my kids at school?now all I can think about until 250 is if they’re safe.. and I’m triggered.. the attacks starts and I feel like I’m having a heart attack..
only halfway through my brain realizes it’s being irrational but it’s too late my body is already in the throws of the attack..once it starts it can’t stop.
It’s special private hell that no one knows about unless you tell them…
I speak up.. I say “Can you give me a minute I’m having a panic attack about something stupid”
My family and friends know and they give me my time I collect myself and it’s fine.
No one knew about my suffering or my healing until I spoke up.
I’m not ashamed of having a mental illness.. people aren’t ashamed of having diabetes.
Their pancreas doesn’t work properly.. my brain doesn’t work properly.. why can’t it be that easy to talk about?
My brain has moments where it’s not alright and if I’m not upfront about it.. life gets hard.
I’ve lived a life where I hid my mental illness due to stigma and it was horrible.
I don’t care what anyone thinks about my mental health.. it’s my journey.
Summer is speaking up and those who have doubts or who are shaming her.. SHAME ON YOU.
Mental illness isn’t anything to joke about.
There’s people killing themselves and killing babies because they need help! They also need to know it’s ok to get help.
It’s not weak to seek therapy.
Therapy isn’t just for white people.
Therapy isn’t just for rich people. Therapy is necessary for anyone with a mental disorder.
There are a lot of Summer Walker’s in this world.
I’m one of them.. it’s really hurting me to see the treatment she’s receiving.
I know her pain. I truly feel for this young woman.
We need to do better and protect women like Summer.
Social Anxiety.. ANXIETY is real, Summer is real.. she’s human, and she doesn’t deserve the treatment she’s getting.
People need to educate themselves about these diagnosis before they go online and make a damn meme!
Sorry for the rant.. my heart was hurt.. be excellent to each other and stream some Summer Walker I’m about to🤗