Yesterday I wanted to run to store and take few pics in a Blunt Blowin’ mama T-shirt.. yesss it may seem frivolous to want to prance around in agrocery store in T-shirt promoting cannabis but.. who are you to judge..
I suggest doing what you love too.. we’ve got time and If you’re still judging me for my shirt and taking pictures well..
My therapist told me to do what makes me happy everyday..
right now getting up in silly little outfits makes me happy ￼and “Blunt Blowin’ mama” aka Shonitria is a friend of mine I love to support black businesses!
I even recorded an episode of “Blunt Blowin Mama” I’m a super fan that own ran out purchased a shirt just to shoot content🤣🤷🏾♀️￼
As soon I purchased the shirt I began shooting content and I was so happy.
I slid into Shonitria’s DM’s and she didn’t even know I was planning content I just put on my shirt and some heels and headed to the market..
I was happy and picking up my groceries.
You see, every Thursday I clean my house and I listen to “Blunt Blowin Mama” when I cleaning my house and relaxing.. it’s a vibe!
Shonitria is my bestie in my bong and my mind 🤣
I got dressed Monday morning with Thursday content on my mind and asked my husband could he take some photos of me at the grocery store… he said “yes”
Where we live in Temecula California, it’s a suburban neighborhood…you know what I mean…
I asked my husband to wait in line for me.
I have severe panic disorder that causes me to shake, sweat and bleed from my nose.. I’ve blogged about it Countless times..
(I’m home healing from a mental breakdown)
So my husband who wears a bright orange hoodie
Was waiting in line.. I joined my husband and woman shouted
“Where did you come from”
I know this woman wasn’t talking to me so I keep walking and talking to my husband and minding my business.. it’s not illegal to meet your husband in line.
She shouts at me
“Who are you”
WHO am I!!?
Like I’m an animal, I start to get to upset.. I don’t like to be looked at.. I just didn’t like the line of questioning for simply joining my husband in line.
I said “ma’am you didn’t see this man in front of you this bright ass jacket for the last 30 minutes”
She said ” I didn’t see either of ya” and it was of the tone of “ya” and then said “you’re and liar”
And I saw “red” I hate being called a liar”
That word just triggered me
I told her
“Look lady your not the fuckin mayor of winco’s line no body is trying to steal your damn groceries don’t let this damn virus turn you into a racist ass hat”
I went down the line asking “Do you not see the black man in the orange hoodie or was he only visible when the black woman appeared?! Why is no one speaking up! Why is no one helping you people are just are sick as her!”
One lady finally spoke up.. ” I see him”
I was seething at that point “Thank you”
My husband pulled me back, my daughter jumped out of the car.. I told the lady..
She was trash…she stood there behind me and my husband in uncomfortable silence waiting to be let in while costumers began to chime in about how they saw the man they too saw man orange hoodie.
This virus is bringing out this ugly in society. The ugly that’s already there. We are turning on one another.
I walked into the store and just like I anticipated I had began to shake and I had a nose bleed I had lock myself away and clean up
Then get mad and embarrassed for the way I behaved.
I didn’t like what the virus has brought out in me. I know that’s not me and I work so hard to not be that. I used to be a very violent person. There was a time when I would have laid hands on that woman and I would have been proud of what I did. I’m not proud of cursing her out. I wish I had more control. I’ve been working very hard but she deserved every word I had yesterday.. her intent was to hurt me and my husband. She wanted people to know the cut the line.
She wanted to embarrass us..
We all needed the same damn groceries! The same
Damn food! We are all in the same damn boat! Sinkin with same damn paddle and don’t see it! Hollering in the same food line! I was so hurt by that woman!
Then I went to wipe my tears and another woman said
“Don’t wipe your face”
And before I could stops myself I said “bitch not today I’m fuckin crying can I just wipe my own fucking tears GOD DAMMIT
I know she was just trying to be helpful but shit can I cry.. I know… I know I had napkins in my purse I didn’t need Karen to save me.
At the end of the day…all I wanted was groceries for my family and some content for Instagram
Now I’m pretty sure I’m traumatized from that experience.. Karen almost caught this fade and I almost went to jail over a spot in line.
That’s what society has come to over a virus.
This virus has peeled back the layers of what we are and honestly we need to heal a lot more than a respiratory illness… but what do I know I just smoke weed all day.