Blog of a mad black mom

I’m so tired of seeing George Floyd dead.

He was a beautiful black man while alive.. can we see pictures of him while alive?

I’m tired of black men being killed.

I was driving today with with the girls in the car listening Shonitria Anthony aka “Blunt Blowin mama”

Her heart was heavy this week..

she was talking about being black in America and how this week it’s just been so hard

I think we all felt this way as a community.

My soul resonated with this episode the entire drive I was just riveted. I got home and I lit up and I could relate..

We can’t kneel.. they get mad.

We jog, we get killed.

We sleep in our own homes we get killed.

George Floyd was 🗣MURDERED by the police this week because he allegedly had a counterfeit $20 bill.

Shit, we’re going going through tough times right now.

It’s damn pandemic. That could have been any of us if I’m being real.

I just keep placing myself in his place.

Because let’s be honest one black face is replaced by another in this country.. sadly.. we’re all the same.

I hate to break it to ya 🤷🏾‍♀️

This man was crushed to death by the very men sworn to protect and serve and this has been going on for long, we as a people are just broken and we are tired.

I know I’m tired, more than tired I’m angry!

I’m angry at people sharing that beautiful man and his lifeless body on the timeline.

It’s very triggering. I don’t like seeing dead bodies.

Especially dead black bodies.

I understand people are trying to show what the police did to the beautiful man.

There are other ways to bring awareness to the cause but I think a lot of people just like the shock value of it all.

Now is not the time for shock value.

We are trying to heal.

We are grieving.

The black community is hurting and it’s palpable.

Also.. now is the time for the white community to stand up and be allies!

We’re healing we don’t have time to teach.. we are tired!

Moving on…

I’ve been talking to my older daughter about what’s going on, the looting at Target

Brooklyn understands that community is HURTING!

They wanted milk for their burning eyes and were turned away and in some cases stabbed and the media is of course reporting the looting which no one is supporting violence.. of course not.. but do they not see entire community in pain.

My 14 year old child saw that.

This reminds me of Rodney King.

That kind of pain. Visceral.. raw and just bubbling over!

We just keep going through this, I’m just and angry black woman, I’m grieving the loss of yet another beautiful black man and in reeling.

It’s hard to collect myself after these things and often I don’t speak but there’s something about this one.

It’s hard to trust authority when it’s constantly on your neck.. literally killing you.

We aren’t a combative people, we just don’t trust you.

Do you blame us!

We kneel you get mad!

We stand you get mad! We scream, we can’t breathe.. you squeeze tighter.. I’m tired.. I’m literally exhausted

There is not safe place to be black.

Is it at home?

Can’t do that? Breoona tried that.. she’s no longer with us.

Can we jog? Nope… I would continue but you see where I’m going America for black folks isn’t that great is it.. I’m so tired of this narrative of “greatness” and then being made to feel unpatriotic if you’re not lock step..

we can’t be… it’s just not the same for us..

Be realistic.. it’s just not the same.

Some days you have to face reality and when your face looks like this…

You life can end for $20.

I’m sorry my post wasn’t funny today.

I’m just in feelings about being black right now.. it’s just tough in these streets right now and I’m mad.

I’m hurt! I’m angry! When will it change’

When does it get better! I’m sick of feeling like my life doesn’t mean shit!

Do you know what that feels like?

Do you know how dehumanizing that is?

That dead black bodies are constantly posted like they are nothing and we are just ok with it.

I for one am tired of it.

I’m so sick of seeing dead black men on my timeline.

I am angry because I want to see black men to do more than die!

I’m tired do this narrative that black men are just thugs.

Black men are beautiful! I’m tired of crying over black men.. I want to cry tears of joy at the success of black men.

I’m tired of feeling like my black skin is a weapon and you’re afraid of me.

I’m not scary but I feel like it better to stay inside really than to even socialize.. I don’t want “scare” any one of be to “aggressive”

I’m tired of “shrinking” my already shrunken self to appease rooms full of white women that can handle my blackness

That’s real… that happens.

I’m tired..

I know why they rioted.. am I saying it’s riot nah.. but I get it.. they’re tired.

Tired of seeing this happening and seeing nothing a damn thing change.

I’m sick of begging for change

Folks upset about the damn Target.

My heart is broken for George.

Crying out for your life as someone uses all of their weight to squeeze your life out.

In broad daylight as the world walks by.

I can’t imagine that agony.

I’ve been in a silent state of grief just wrapping my mind around what that might have been like and honestly I can’t,

That officer is a monster.

I don’t understand how you could even begin to do something that cold to another human being..

but I’m human.. he’s not.

I had to leave it at that.

Humans don’t do that.

George matters, his dreams mattered and his life mattered to his family and he didn’t deserve to die the way he died.

Police brutality needs to stop!

We need to keep this conversation going.. for George.. how long does this have to continue.

It’s just so tragic, this death just hits differently I can’t explain it.

Anyways… RIP George Floyd 💚

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