I know this might not seem like a huge deal.. but it is.
I’ve been fighting so hard for myself lately and just the fact that I have this I’m just proud of myself.
I’m not letting Fibromyalgia or Rheumatoid arthritis beat me.
I’ve been working so hard on my V.A claim this week, I actually spent the entire week at my Nana’s this week and drove to my various doctors appointments,
(Found out I need a new hip and a new knee…)
But I spoke up for myself I told the doctors
“I’m having a hard time walking, I think I need a handicap placard for my car, my hip is dislocating when I walk around the house and it embarrasses me. It also does the same thing in public and I just don’t like it… it’s also very painful.. extremely painful”
I was relieved!
I was also super proud of myself!
I normally just suffer in silence because I’m terrified of standing up for myself for some unknown reason but I’ve been in so much pain with my leg I had to ask.
A small part of me feared she wouldn’t believe me, most doctors don’t believe. I have terrible experiences with the medical field. I’ve just written off for “cannabis abuse”but she’s been treating me for a while now she knows what I’ve been going through, she knows the pain that I’ve been in.
I do have anxiety so it’s normal to second guess yourself… a lot, which I did asking for the parking placard.
I knew people were going to look at me parking and assume “she’s too young” “she doesn’t need that”
But they don’t know the hell I’m going through and the heaven I’m trying to make it at the moment.
I never thought I would be having challenges with my mobility.
It’s just so painful to walk long distances.
You can hear my bones grinding and I can’t walking very far because I’m in pain. My legs will no longer allow it.
My legs hurt, my hip is bad. It pops out of socket and I don’t know when it’s going to happen.
I have a strange knee and femur.
I’m not kidding… I’m a veteran, and I wish I was joking but I went for an eye exam for my re-evaluation and my knee and femur is so bad an EYE doctor asked about my knee and femur..
He was like
“Ma’am the v.a wants me to ask you about you right knee and femur”
I said but “you’re an eye doctor”
I mean I let him know the truth
🗣”MY SHIT HURTS EVERYDAY ALL DAY B I CAN NOT WALK”
But not in those exact words… but pretty close 🤷🏾♀️
No I let him know, I’m 35, I’m losing the ability to walk and it’s very frightening so I decided to re-evaluate my disability claim with the v.a.
I am aware that I have arthritis in my spine and scoliosis due to the arthritis..
it’s all very painful and the amount I was originally given just wasn’t enough to cope with the fact.
I was 22, I just didn’t really understand arthritis at 22 the way I do at 35… anyhoo
That’s another thing I spoke up for.. my v.a claim only took me about 10 years to re-evaluate my claim but at least I did it..
I’m trying to see the positive in things lately.
I mean you really have to, I was upset about things at first being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid arthritis and finding out the things about my spine were all very shocking.
I spiraled for a bit into a small depression but then I decided I had to fight back!
I decided I had to study and I had to fight for my life not only for myself but for my kids.
I also dearly missed the life I had before.. I mean it was literally just 5 months ago… I can remember being super active.
I can remember showering without crying because I had energy after.
I remember being “normal”
My entire life changed, and I decided to at least fight for my happiness and find joy in the things I can do NOW!”
I decided to create a “new normal” a better normal..
Yes, I’m in pain all the time but I’m alive.
I here with my family, I have a home.. things are still good.
I’m still me.. I’m still in here, I’m still inside my body!
I started to focus on the all of the positive things in my life and doing positive things instead of constantly focusing on my pain because it’s always going to be there.
(When it gets to bad I go to the e.r I’m not a robot..)
I’ve just learned to appreciate the smaller things and you really never know what could happen in life and with your body.
Health really is so important and stress can cause so many things to happen within your body.
I’ve been stressed lately, just like everyone else in the world but I learned I can’t let that stress overtake me.
I lost an ORGAN due to stress and that’s why I try to warn people to take it easy and put themselves first because I don’t want another young woman to end up on a cane at 35..
I allowed myself to be placed on the back burner of my own life for 35 years.
It took me becoming disabled for me to pay attention to myself, and care for myself and that’s unfortunate.
I don’t want my story to be the story of anyone else that’s why I’m sharing.
I can barely dress myself anymore.
I used to dress people.
I was a nurse. A damn good one, now I need a nurse because I let stress, work, life, men, EVERYTHING but myself come first.
Life is too short not to speak up and say
“Hey, I’m here, I’m in pain and I need a break”
I couldn’t do that for myself.. and that’s sad to be a grown ass woman and be so afraid to be speak up for yourself you continue working until you break.
That’s what I did.. I worked until I physically and mentally broke one day.
Now when I feel pain I speak up.
And that’s what that my placard represents.. I was hurting and I finally spoke up for myself.
I did something about it.
I didn’t just accept the pain.
I called my doctor and let her know something was wrong.
I took all the necessary steps and I have a solution in my hand.
I took care of myself.
You don’t have to just lay there and take it.
FIGHT BACK ✊🏾
You have power, I have power.. we’re stronger than we think.
Until next time.. thank you for reading ✌🏾