My therapist said he was “proud of me”

Yeahhhhh I was shocked too…. My therapist called today and I told him I moved in with my my nana…we speak every 8 weeks about the major changes that occur in my life and well he knew about the divorce which he applauded me for.

I have discussed with my therapist for months the amount of stress I was under due to my relationship not due to being unhappy or anything like that but if you’re the only one carrying a lot of the burdens financially and you feel like the only adult you don’t feel like you have a partner at times you just feel unbalanced.

I lost my marriage essentially because I wanted to grow up, I gave my partner the choice to grow with me and he didn’t want to.

I learned there’s a difference between supporting a man just plain enabling a man and I was tired.

I had never been so low in just over it that I wanted to know walk into traffic, I was begging the man for a two bedroom apartment for me and the girls, I was battling depression, working harder than I could imagine I literally wanted to die every single day because my body was turning against me because I HATED MY JOB and I was praying and begging my then husband to do something.

I just couldn’t take living in the environment I was anymore with my daughters and I had to get out.

There was a day I was in the kitchen I looked my ex husband in the eye and told him “look I’m just a very hurt soul and we have a child and I think it’s best we co-parent” that was one of the hardest days of my life because I don’t like to hurt people but I was hurting just as bad and I needed out.

I am a very proud woman.

I’ve always had my own place.

I worked 3 jobs while pregnant to have an apartment when I gave birth.

My nana has a brand new house built and knew I had been begging a man for years to save get an apartment together said offered me a couple rooms…

I packed my bags and started my life over!

I got a little a bed, a walk in closet space.. dresser.. rolling rack

I got my little desk set up.. so I can blog it’s real cute in here.. it’s peaceful way to restart.

The first night I was here I could think clearly for the first time in years.

My thoughts had been so cluttered and just everything had been so just, I can’t even explain how much tension was released just by removing myself from that environment.

I just wanted a space to call my own..

My therapist was proud of the steps I took this year to get myself and my children out of the environment and the relationship that wasn’t healthy for me.

He was also proud that I took care of myself this year and took my mental health seriously.

I took an entire year off of work to take therapy seriously after I had a that mental breakdown.. when you want “walk into traffic” you start to take life seriously.

I also started to love myself..

I mean really love myself because I realized I was searching for love in men and I needed to pour into myself and I did that for an entire year.

I took the time to figure out why I am the way am, what makes me the woman I am and I fell in love with myself and left my husband..

It’s been a crazy year but it’s one I don’t regret at all.

I left a job that was harmful, I found my voice and every 8 weeks I showed up.. today I happened to be a bit grouchy but I was there and my therapist was proud because this year I’ve made so many tough decisions for my life and children’s lives but we’re going to have better lives because of the tough decisions I’ve made and I’ve never made a therapist PROUD before so that’s new… I kinda like it..

He asked me a question that kinda through me for a loop.

“How are you take care yourself since you’ve been so neglected? What do you do for yourself”

I told him I shop..

He said besides that..(what is besides that 🤣😭😂🤷🏾‍♀️)

I said I’m more intentional with my time, I journal.. I meditate and I just really try to stay more present and feel what happiness feels like because it’s so foreign I love the rush of it. I savor it.

We talked about self care and when I’m going to start to make videos again.

I shared with him how getting dressed in the morning literally saved my life, make up and clothes maybe silly to some but to me..it’s life.

He congratulated me on finding my happy and we made our next appointment.

Therapy during a pandemic is tough.

It can be emotionally exhausting keeping up with appointments or lack thereof.

However when you do get them and they click and you release or make and therapist HAPPY.. hell..

You’ve won for the day.

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