I was going through pictures earlier..making space in my phone.. I’m a blogger.. I have to do this often..
I came across some pictures of a collaboration I did with the Goodwill of Southern California
It was my first time actually taking style blogging seriously.
My first time taking my style seriously, and the first time stepping in front of the camera on my instagram.
I talk all about it in the post “Kick it like Stephanie”
I’ve always had the desire to talk about fashion, beauty, and makeup I’ve always felt insecure.
I felt like my style wasn’t good enough or I wasn’t pretty enough but I loved what I was doing.
And I REALLY had a passion and desire to showcase and continue learning about those subjects.
I also just really love those doing.
Creativity also brought me peace at a time when I had none and gave me a sense of self.
It might seem frivolous and vain to think shopping for sales and getting dressed up day is something that can save a person’s life but it gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Outside of my children, when I was battling depression, I found peace and solitude in styling outfits for the next day.
Arranging the colors, selecting each accessory to make sure it’s just so.. I love creating a mood for the day.
I may have been inspired by a song or text message dressing for the day is like an event for me.
I’ve been thrifting for well over 20 years so finding items is almost like second nature I can do it in minutes.
I can change my look like a chameleon.
It’s something I’m very proud of.
Fashion is a form of expression, everyday is an opportunity to express what you’re feeling with what your wearing and your hair and makeup why not make it fun?
Why not get excited!
I’ve started to have more Confidence in my self and dress the way I truly want and create the content I wanted all along (style and beauty) and people have responded beautifully.
I figured out I wasn’t in the right niche.
That’s a whole other blog post in itself.
I’m black alternative style.. I probably would have grown a lot faster if I knew that was a THING!
Anyways back to the story…
When the pandemic started I was very depressed, recovering from wanting to attempt suicide because my life was so stressful.
I was the only source of income for a family of four and I was being mentally abused at work…
I would have panic attack so bad on the way to work I would pull over to vomit blood.
At work I would do the same thing.
My hands would sweat and shake so badly I couldn’t write a paragraph.
I would do yoga, meditate, but the physical symptoms of the panic attacks were taking over my life.
I was having 15-20 a day while working.
I would get off and just cry because my body hurt so bad because I would clinch my jaws to stop the shaking.
My patients family thought I was stupid because I spilled medicine on a white rug because of my shaking.
She said “what are you incompetent”
That shit crushed me..
Here I am driving hours to your child, throwing up, terrified of you because I need a “job” I’m not incompetent.. I’m sick!
I’m mental ill and physically ill and I’m holding it together for your family!
I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the stain to no avail.
She called a family member to further belittle me.
“That nurse spilled fuck pepto Bismal in the game room” she flicks a cigarette and goes outside
I could feel the tears getting hot in my chest but I would never give anyone the satisfaction of my tears so I went to the restroom and I cried.. hard and ugly.
I came back out looked them in the eye and said
“My family has a guy.. I’ll handle stain. I’m not incompetent”
I woke up one morning after the Monday after thanksgiving 2019 and my body just wouldn’t go for work.. I had a full on nervous breakdown.
I was having panic attacks every day, I wanted to die, I was vomiting blood, having nightmares I had PTSD because of that job.. I needed the money..
I had a family to support.
The only thing that kept me going through all of that was style and this blog and then the pandemic happens..
I became very depressed because I felt like I wasn’t going to be able to have opportunities to work brands…
Not only did I work with brands I had more opportunities than I ever had in any other year.I didn’t have to leave me house.
I didn’t have to spend thousands of dollars on new clothes. I purchased items piece by piece every month and built up wardrobe.
I even shared a few of my favorite finds with you on the blog I love me some Nastygal
Women owned, fierce brand and come on the style is KILLER!
they always have a sale.. that’s some to get out of bed for 😉
All jokes aside when I was at my lowest.. and I’ve been low this year.
I went through a divorce, I moved.. I went through some shitttt
Wake up putting on my favorite songs and just getting in the zone to get dressed everyday has really elevated my mood, even on the days I didn’t want to get out of bad looking a little extra fierce in the living room was definitely motivating.
Fashion is more than just clothes or a pile of rags it can literally inspire and change you. You can be anyone with an outfit change, dress for any decade. Be a hero, be a villain, be a goddess, a thief
Fashion has the power and potential to lift you mood high than and drug or any pill ever could.
At least for me anyway.
I get high off clothes and accessories.
I’m a sucker for a new handbag.
Just give me something to style man. I’m jonesin’ here!
I found my purpose this year!
Fashion! Style! Beauty! I don’t know why I was so shy before! I don’t know why I didn’t see it, or want share want I know and what I love, I guess it’s because I don’t look “like everyone else” and my style isn’t like “everyone else” I was worried no one would like me.. but I was wrong people like me for me and it’s actually made creating so much easier.
I’m not trying to force myself to be something I’m not…
Which I was doing. I wanted to be those pretty shiny pink blonde cookie cutter bloggers (no hate I love them just can’t be em) and I was crying in the shower because I couldn’t figure out how come they come they made it look so easy?
Well they were being THEMSELVES and I was trying to be THEM.. it was never going to work.
I had to learn I need to be myself.
It took me a long time to figure that out but I did through fashion and style.. I actually ended up just f
Refining the style I always had
I always been alternative lookin sooo imma stick with that
Remember God awful EMO phase🤦🏾♀️ ugh I figured I’m older wiser have the time.. I’m going allll in baby.. I’m just gonna get hotter and weirder because who gon check me boo!!?
Fashion, style and Makeup gave me the courage, strength and confidence to really step out of comfort zone and showcase who I am inside.. this year I was fabulous.