Honestly I’m battling a crippling depression and my “Facebook friends” real hell my “friends” don’t really come around so I was like why and I breaking my neck to share photos of myself and my children to people to who are just watching my life?
My life is currently a train wreck and I’m trying to locate survivors.. why would I want anyone who isn’t working to help heal me there?
I have crippling anxiety and depression and now I’m dealing with
Memory lapses and high blood pressure being back on blood pressure meds..
I just want to focus on makeup .
And my girls
As I was sinking deeper into depression I felt like posting on Facebook was only contributing to my depression.
Yes, I was in groups that had like minded individuals but were those individuals calling me when I was ready to end it all?
Where were my friends when insomnia had me up till sunrise crying, because I was immune to regimen and I knew my kids were about to wake up and I had to start “mommin’ it up but I hadn’t had any sleep and I was going through and arthritis flare?” There weren’t there” there just a “like” or a “comment” they just validated my ego but did absolutely nothing for me or my mental health that was failing every single day.
People had no idea how dark it was and still is for me.
I use makeup and fitness as a form of therapy…
(mean I go to I go “therapy, therapy” but with mental illness you need several tools in you tool box and makeup and fitness are just a few of the tools I have to help myself stay on the planet…
I’m fighting for my life here! Every single day and everyday I open my eyes I’m fucking BATTLING DEPRESSION and I’m winning.
People don’t understand what it’s like to battle depression and anxiety at the same time it’s a monster so it figure out your triggers is a blessing.
I love social media.
And I loved Facebook.
I left a group with over 12.k women but I needed to.
Facebook was just people waiting for me to share my pain and they weren’t going to do a damn thing to help.
I was suicidal last month and I realized that all people would do is post how they knew me not a soul would help so logged the fuck out focused more on my children, my makeup and weights and called it a life.
I place my focus where it’s needed and Facebook isn’t needed to survive.
I like to share my work on Ig. I like the sense of community there. I do enjoy social media but once it starts to bother my mental health I remove it.
I understand the that there is a very fine line with place working online, you become slightly obsessed with “likes” those “friends” but when I became depressed this time, this was the darkest I had ever been in my life, and this has been the hardest this have ever been but it was supposed to have been the easiest but I had so make things happen in person life I struggled to get on my feet, sinking deeper and deeper into a depression, I couldn’t pull myself out of and I just kept posting and crying and my soul was bleeding and ripped and I couldn’t repair my soul while posting so I logged out and when I did I felt a wait lifted and I slept and I sobbed. I was just really tired number one I was in a lot of pain and needed rest.
A lot of social media I do for blogging and just as an outlet, I did have a lot of “friends” but they know my number it hasn’t changed in 15 years.
When the pandemic started I went back to letter writing and texting so I talk to the friends I need to anyway I wasn’t that close to 1200 people…
I miss actual intimacy and talking to humans.
I was a shit poster and I posted my life since 20’s and memes and I just got tired.
I wanted to feel. I felt like like there wasn’t anyone there for me on Facebook or in real life..
What the fuck can I do with a “❤️” “bitch call me!
Let’s actually connect! People are just watch your life to have something to talk about and I’m done being a soap opera.
They’ll just have to actually call me to get informed about my life…
I have so many things happening and changing in my life Facebook just wasn’t necessary anymore it just felt negative.
I feel like like I share so much and people don’t respond so I don’t have the energy anymore. I’d rather spend my time in place people respond. I work really hard and I’m not doing well and I don’t have time to post to a million platforms.
I still have other platforms to share my work so I’m really not bothered I need to heal and Facebook opens wounds it doesn’t heal them I have to go where I can heal and grow.. and my online friends have been contacting me outside of Facebook the ones that really want to… I’ve got email and other means if you really want to get a hold of a person you find a way.
I hope you enjoyed reading this and I also hope you do what’s best for YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, sometimes that’s a hard choice to make.. make the choice and enjoy you’re peace ✌🏾
Have a wonderful day.